Blog

Hiding is under appreciated. We need to hide to protect ourselves from dangers real and imagined. All outward movement toward engagement with others and the world begins with a reasonable feeling of safety. Hiding can be instinctive like a reflex or a deliberate choice that refuses the bidding of others, taking control over the last… Continue reading The Importance of Hiding

When a couple is not getting along, one could usually infer that their relationship is inflamed. This would be very similar to the person who develops a sore elbow while playing tennis. The more the player hits the ball, the more his or her elbow hurts. Somehow, someway, the solution to a sore elbow seems… Continue reading What to Do With an Inflamed Marriage

Why does a person in love repeatedly say to his beloved, “I love you, I love you, I love you”? What if the beloved said, “boring, boring, boring, all you ever say is you love me.” Silly thought. The fact is people in love are not saying “I love you” to convey information, rather by… Continue reading On Moods

Why does a person in love repeatedly say to his beloved, “I love you, I love you, I love you”? What if the beloved said, “boring, boring, boring, all you ever say is you love me.” Silly thought. The fact is people in love are not saying “I love you” to convey information, rather by… Continue reading Date Night

Being fickle human beings, its natural at times be tempted to have an affair. Someone else at least in the short term, will treat me better. They will be more understanding, more sensitive, less critical, and more on my side. We think this person “gets me”. Did I mention, the sex is usually great too. And… Continue reading Before Having an Affair

Once you get past the first few months, or possibly a year, after the revelation of infidelity, you enter a new phase. The revelation has set in that trust will never be the same and emotional pain is still there. There are some important steps you can take to deal with the pain and help… Continue reading The Challenge of Infidelity, Part Two

I probably see two or three couples a week where infidelity has occurred. It is typically emotionally devastating news for the offended spouse. Trust is fractured, and the relationship is forever changed. Yet, with a great deal of work, the relationship can emerge stronger and more intimate than ever, provided both spouses want this outcome.… Continue reading The Challenge of Infidelity, Part One

Unrequited is an old word, a word not very much seen anymore, and yet, a word that can describe our experience today as much as any time before us. Unrequited means not returned or reciprocated. It is most associated with another word, love, as in unrequited love. As a marriage counselor, I see a lot of… Continue reading Unrequited Love

When I was a little boy, my friends and I would go to scary movies. It was our way of proving our budding manhood. We inadvertently learned a very powerful and important skill that proved to be unique to human beings. That skill is the ability to take a step back from what’s going on.… Continue reading Mindfulness

If you are a man and you have read the first part of Crossing the Gender Divide, it’s important that you do not leave it to your spouse or partner to learn how to be a better communicator while you judge her for her success at getting through. While it is true that women initially… Continue reading Crossing the Gender Divide, Part Two