Have you ever heard of the Golden Rule? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” was spoken by Jesus and is probably one of the more enduring verses of the Bible. A simple translation is to treat others like you would like to be treated. Who could argue with that? Apparently not many, as some version of this prescription is part of every major religion known to humanity.
Yet, is there some fine print to consider and, at times, a reason not to follow the Golden Rule? At least exactly? Consider this.
What if I’m the type of person who really likes a really vigorous back rub? What type of back rub am I likely to give to my partner? Chances are, without any other considerations, I would give the same back rub to the other that I enjoy. What if their preference is to receive this really soft, easy kind of a touch? The person on the receiving end of this massage might receive it with politeness, without saying anything, but really not get the kind of relaxing touch they would have hoped for.
Or, what if I decide to cook you one of my favorite meals to make, let’s say spaghetti, and you really don’t like foods with tomato sauce. It might seem obvious but you might be surprised how often people assume what the other will like is what they like, and end up with a good intention but with a less than desirable result.
Thankfully, there are lots of resources available to help you communicate in a way that gets desirable satisfaction from the gift of giving. Gary Chapman’s “Five Love Languages” is an example of this. He identifies five ways that people give and receive love. There are five gifts that can be given or received: 1) Affirmation, 2) Quality time together, 3) Actual gifts, 4) Acts of Service for the other, and 5) Physical touch. Chapman suggests we all have preferences for one of these five love languages and it is good to know what you prefer and what your partner prefers. You can’t know this without communication, and that’s the point I’m reaching for here.
Obviously, I’m taking liberties with the intention of the Golden Rule which is to treat others with deep respect, kindness, and mutual regard. Throw in a little communication and feedback, and you will really get it right.
Good point. The golden rule in general is about consideration. We consider others as we wish others would consider us.