When I was a little boy, my friends and I would go to scary movies. It was our way of proving our budding manhood. We inadvertently learned a very powerful and important skill that proved to be unique to human beings. That skill is the ability to take a step back from what’s going on. In our case, it was the ability to take a step back from the movie screen. As adults, we can refine that skill to include not only the dramas in our life but in a very real way, even the thoughts about the dramas. This is what is known as mindfulness. Before I talk about why mindfulness can be important, let me say more about what it is.
As you read the sentence, “I have a thought,” what do you notice? I would suggest that the obvious observation is that there is an “I” that is separate from the “thoughts” you are having. Hmmm, that’s a little weird! We don’t usually make that distinction. It is true that most people think of themselves as the same as their thoughts.
I would suggest that the deepest part of who you are is this awareness called “I”. Thoughts are things you have. Your true identity is with the “I”. Now we couldn’t make it in life without thoughts. Our mind was made for thinking, thank goodness. We couldn’t make coffee in the morning, or perform any task, without having thoughts. Thoughts are good things to have but they are not me. In other words, we do not have to go everywhere our thoughts want to take us.
What do I mean when I say, we do not need to go everywhere our thoughts take us? When we do not nurture the awareness of being a thinker who has thoughts, we are like a boat without a rudder. Its just one thought after another, many times the same negative scenario over and over again. Notice this. I like to ask myself, is this thought that I am having helpful or useful in some way, or is it just a repeat of a negative “what if”? In contrast, when we become more aware of our thoughts, we see that the very quality of our experience is impacted by what we think. If we think scary thoughts we have scary feelings.
What is the experience of this “I”? My experience is that it is silent, it is still, and it is deep. There is a peacefulness there even a serenity. I find my grounding as a human being when I get in touch with this awareness. This process of getting in touch with this quiet awareness is mindfulness meditation. This meditation is something I can teach or there are many, many books and articles written on this subject. I recommend a 20 minute daily meditation but this can be modified according to your circumstances. Once you experience this grounding it is hard to go back. Anchoring in “I” allows me to be more observant of my thoughts.
What does mindfulness have to offer? First off, as you nurture this awareness of this grounding deep within you, you are more at peace. The particular dramas of life are not nearly as stressful. We become more likely to be “here” rather than “there” which improves the quality of our relationships as we interact with others. We call this presence. We feel more satisfaction with life when we are “here”. Joy resides “here”, particularly in this moment.
Being in touch with this grounding anchors us in the knowledge that life is good in its simplicity. No need to always be on hyper alert status waiting for the next threat. No need spinning the threatening thought over and over again in our minds as we engage in the folly of trying to make ourselves feel safe. Spinning thoughts just hypes us up more and takes us away from our true self.