Author: Gaylen Bendewald

I like to define worry as saying “no” to what could be, as in “I don’t want that to happen.” Worry is normally something we anticipate as a future threat. A telltale sign that we are dealing with worry is that it likes to start with “what if…”, followed by something you don’t want to… Continue reading Saying No to What Could Be

Our personal security is never guaranteed. Things happen. The fact is we are vulnerable to the uncertainties that arise around the next corner. How we approach this vulnerability makes all of the difference in the world. We can blissfully deny this fragility of human life in sleep like fashion, whiling away our time as if each… Continue reading Vulnerability is Not a Choice

Many fear-based families were influenced by largely unspoken rules to don’t feel, don’t trust, and don’t talk. These family rules for living were motivated by a desire for self protection, but whoa, what a price was paid. As a result, children grew up disconnected from themselves and from others. Seeing “threats” everywhere, they feel alone,… Continue reading Learning to Feel

True love is not supposed to end. Everyone grows up wanting to be special to someone. Love can carry us to the heights of human experience. Of course, when it seems to let us down, there is no deeper despair. You can be filled with betrayal, anger, disappointment, and outright agony. You feel confused and lost.… Continue reading Transitions After a Divorce

Neurobiologists have concluded that the average person has 50,000 thoughts a day. This total includes feelings and memories. If you multiply 50,000 times seven days a week, and then times 52 weeks a year, and then multiply this total times 18 years which we commonly call childhood years, we have millions and millions of thoughts… Continue reading Liberating Ourselves From Old Storylines

We often think about compassion as something we give to others. It is more than sympathy. People will say, “I don’t want your sympathy”, and generally they are saying this because they don’t want to be looked down upon, or felt sorry for. Nothing wrong with that. Compassion is felt and expressed when one identifies with… Continue reading Compassion Starts at Home

It’s good to feel heard. When heard, we feel like we matter to the person hearing us. And when we feel like we matter to the other, we more naturally feel connected. Feeling connected means we feel intimacy with the other which comes from a feeling of being known and accepted. Having a feeling of being… Continue reading Feeling Heard

Some people are so busy listening to the opinions and experiences of others that they neglect their own. This oftentimes originates in their formative years where their judgments were criticized and concluded to be wrong or invalid. So they grew up without trust of themselves. In some ways, there is a fracture between their experience and… Continue reading Finding Inner Authority

When you are feeling stress, you are not thinking right. Yes, this is an awfully strong thing to say. In a way, it’s like taking a stand with ourselves. Stress is self-generated. “Stress in not out there. It is in here.” We like to think that certain people, events, circumstances stress us out as if they have… Continue reading Understanding Stress

When you are in relationship with someone for a long while, that person gets to know your flaws and deficits very well. This can be startling at first because everything seemed so right in the beginning. They can decide to play “gotcha” and point out these deficits to you which leaves you rather exposed. Their… Continue reading Trouble in Paradise