Author: Gaylen Bendewald

Have you ever heard of the Golden Rule? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” was spoken by Jesus and is probably one of the more enduring verses of the Bible. A simple translation is to treat others like you would like to be treated. Who could argue with that? Apparently… Continue reading Breaking the Golden Rule

Hate is a very powerful feeling and it has a way of consuming those who get entwined in it. When speaking of hatred, from the context of relationships, I’m speaking of intense feelings of anger, contempt, and disgust. These words may not even give the full depth of how much hate  rocks our world when… Continue reading What Do You Do When Hate Fills The Air

“Learn to trust life, it will teach you, in joy and sorrow, all you need to know.”  Henry James, author, “The Ambassadors”  So what did Henry James, and countless others, mean when they say, “learn to trust life?” Isn’t this naive, incredulous, ignorant, and represent unsophisticated  thinking about the realities of life? Maybe so. Or maybe… Continue reading The Quest to Trust Life 

One of my favorite memories of all time is a picture of my maternal grandparents taken when they were well into their 80’s. They are sitting on a couch and what stands out for me is they are holding hands as they pose for the camera. They were obviously in love with each other and… Continue reading Getting There From Here

Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening up to intimacy and close relationships. Healthy boundaries is something to strive for, work toward, and has as its corollary, being comfortable with… Continue reading Taking a Look at Personal Boundaries

People ask me all the time whether they will ever “get over” an affair in an ongoing relationship or even in a relationship that they have ended. Words matter as they determine how we think about things and words also set our expectations. The reality is no ever “gets over” a traumatic event but it… Continue reading Will I Ever Get Over the Affair

It is not usual for people who have had a series of painful relationships to begin predicting, and concluding, the inevitability of current relationship failure based on past outcomes. It’s easy to fall into a self protective mode and begin looking for reasons why the current relationship will fail. Assumptions are made that they have… Continue reading Discarding the Crystal Ball

I’ve been thinking about joy. This might be a subject that seems far off when you are in crisis and submerged in what might be thought of as dire straits. We find ourselves in all kinds of predicaments in life where everything seems to close in on you, and you feel like you are in… Continue reading Allowing Joy to Find You

Hiding is under appreciated. We need to hide to protect ourselves from dangers real and imagined. All outward movement toward engagement with others and the world begins with a reasonable feeling of safety. Hiding can be instinctive like a reflex or a deliberate choice that refuses the bidding of others, taking control over the last… Continue reading The Importance of Hiding